Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Let's Talk.

I know I've mentioned depression here on my blog before, but I don't think I've written the whole story.

I think my depression started the day Little Fox was born. I was expecting "the baby blues" but I felt like I was in a daze for months. I was angry, impatient, and frustrated all the time. I've since been told that I had postpartum depression, but at the time, I didn't know that's what it was. I knew there was something wrong. I thought "depression" was feeling sad and hopeless. I didn't feel that. I was boiling with rage and anger every day, for no reason. When the opportunity arose for me to return to work a few months before my maternity leave ended, I jumped at the chance to... feel like I was only responsible for myself and my work and nothing else for those 8 hours per day.

Around the time Little Fox turned one, Red Fox was in a car accident, and although the physical damage was pretty minor, the mental and emotional implications left Red Fox withdrawn, to say the least. I won't get into his specific diagnosis and such, because if he wanted that shared, he'd share it. Before he got treatment, he was in a whole other world (mentally and emotionally), leaving me essentially alone in raising Little Fox and to take care of us all. And boy was I angry about that. Which I really struggled with, because how could I be angry when it was something he couldn't control, and didn't even notice? When he started treatment, I met with his/our therapist, too. I described the anger I felt, and she's the one who said I had PPD, which had now become just regular old depression.

I eventually decided that I needed help, and made an appointment with my family doctor. The stress and anxiety of going to that appointment led to me getting an ulcer. So when I went to that appointment, he gave me some medication for the ulcer (which helped within days, thank goodness!) and then led me through a questionnaire, which included questions about my sleeping habits, my appetite, my activity level, etc. I fell asleep every night before 8:30 pm. I had no motivation to do anything other than what was specifically required of me.  My doctor prescribed an antidepressant, which I started immediately. The side effects the first few days and nights were terrible. The first night I got such a terrible headache that I thought I was having an aneurysm, and woke up Red Fox to help me. But the side effects wore off, and after about a month, I began to feel... normal.

One morning I went to Tim's for a coffee. The people in the car in front of me kept turning around and looking/grinning idiotically at me, which was really annoying me. When I got to the window, I realized it was because they paid for my order. About halfway back to the office, I realized I was still smiling, and it was that moment that I knew I was going to be ok again.

I took the antidepressants for about a year and a half. During the last part of that time, I decided I'd try a learn to run class. When we moved to PEI, I continued running, and I was feeling good. I discussed with my doctor the idea of weaning off the medication, and I started the process right away. It wasn't fun. I felt like my brain was spinning inside my head, and I'd get a sudden feeling of dizziness and I'd see spots. This lasted for almost a week, I think.

Since stopping the medication, I admittedly have some bigger-than-average up and down mood swings, which last longer than I think they should. But for now, they are manageable.

Running helps. I've noticed a significant increase in my overall happiness when I run on a regular basis. There are days that are just... terrible, but after a run, that runners high helps me get my mood back up. There are times when I don't want to do ANYTHING. Clean up? No. Run? No. Sleep? YES. But after a few days of this, I will finally "guilt" myself into going for a run, and that always gets me back on track.

I'm not publishing this for sympathy, or praise, or anything else. You don't even need to leave a comment. It just IS, and in the spirit of Bell's Let's Talk day, I thought I'd share. I think it's important to share stories like these. It needs to be talked about. People need to know that it's ok to ask for help, and that it REALLY CAN help. It's sometimes really hard to do the things that you know are good for you. It's so much easier to just do nothing.

Monday, January 27, 2014

First day of training: FAIL

Seems like everything was working against me today. Today was Day 1 of my half marathon training. I checked the weather and decided I'd do today's run on my lunch break, because there was a nice little window between FREEZING and rain at about noon. So, I worked all morning, got into my running gear, went downstairs and... DENIED. LOL Red Fox said we had to run into Summerside to do something at the bank, so I came back upstairs to shower and make myself presentable. It was REALLY nice out and would have been perfect for running (if you ignore the strong wind).

We did the banking, stopped at Ford (Red Fox's truck is very broken), got a few groceries and came back home. I had to work for the rest of the afternoon. Then supper time (early, cause my blood sugar was going wonky), and of course by that time it was dark. No street lights here in "the country". Also, it was snowing this afternoon, and then started raining at about 3, and it was VERY slippery out there, so running in the dark would have been extra dangerous. Because of all the fields here, the snow blows across the roads all the time, and it creates ice patches. It's like the roads are wearing horizontal stripes... ice, clear, ice clear...

So, since tomorrow is supposed to be ... um, cross training, maybe? I'll run tomorrow, along with ballet class (depending on driving conditions). I missed ballet last week, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to go tomorrow. It's a surprisingly good workout!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Sisterhood, and a stress-release run

The other day, I was tagged in a blog post (and on twitter) for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Awards. I was tagged by Piper, whose blog is http://pipersrun.com/, so thank you Piper!

                                                        sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award-w500
The Rules:
1. Post the logo on your blog. Done
2. Thank the person who nominated you. Done
3. Answer the questions.
4. Choose 10 or so other ladies who blog as your nominees.
5. Post the links to the nominees’ blogs and notify them on their blog.
Questions:
1. What is your favorite colour? Blue. Pretty much any shade of blue, from sky blue to TARDIS blue, turquoise and greenish blues included.
2. Favorite animal? Hm. Elephants, polar bears, and sea turtles. Not sure why, exactly, but I really enjoy seeing photos or videos of these animals. There's a zoo in the US that has a polar bear webcam and an elephant webcam. I could watch those all day! 
3. Favorite non-alcoholic drink: Chocolate milk (lactose free, please!) or orange juice. I don't buy orange juice often, so it's a nice treat for me whenever we do have it.
4. Facebook or twitter? Both. I use both, but I'm more active on facebook. I used to use facebook as a method of sharing photos of Little Fox with our friends and families, but I don't share as much now as I used to. I read twitter daily, and post on average once a day, but that seems to be increasing!
5. Favorite pattern? I love paisley. 
6. What is my passion? Hm. I'm not sure I have a particular passion, but there are things that I WANT to have as passions. 
So, now it's my turn to pass this along! I know only a few bloggers, so I'm just going to pass this along to Courteney and Heather. We probably all follow the same blogs so I don't want to take up all the names!
Courteney http://indyroo.blogspot.ca/
Heather http://girlgoesrunning.blogspot.ca/
Now, for today's run. I was feeling stressed out all day, and a little bummed out. I kept thinking of going for a run, but it's really cold out. Finally, I couldn't resist any longer and got my running gear on. Honestly, what finally convinced me to run was that I put new tunes on my ipod this morning and I wanted to listen to them! I only ran 2.5 k, cause again, it was REALLY cold. I was about halfway back home when I realized that I couldn't feel my toes. When I got inside, they immediately started burning and itching, it was pretty painful! I took my socks off and stood on the cold-ish floor for a bit and they finally started to "normal up", to use a Red Fox term. Anyway, the run felt great, and I felt like a kept a good pace, although I didn't wear my garmin. My short run improved my mood quite a bit, thank goodness.
After running, I made chicken soup for supper. Little Fox is sick, so, of course I made soup! While the noodles were boiling, I came upstairs and did my daily plank... and held it for 2:30! A new record. After supper I did some stretching, foam rolling and some strength stuff. NOW I feel better. 

Monday, January 20, 2014

Jaw Appointment

I met with the specialist about my jaw today. I am, apparently, completely messed up and crooked!

My original appointment time was 3:15. They called yesterday to confirm my appointment, and to tell me that I was now scheduled to meet him at 1:45. Then, they called this morning at 7am to tell me that it was changed again to 11:45. 

So I got there and filled out the paperwork, and had another xray done. Finally got to see the doctor/dentist, and he asked me all about the pain and the history, and then checked my mouth, teeth, face, neck and back. 

First. My muscles are very inflamed. Basically every muscle from the base of my skull down to mid-back (tell me something I didn’t know!). That limits my range of motion and adds stress to my neck and jaw.
Second. I’m crooked. My shoulders are uneven, and the vertebrae in my neck are misaligned. Because my shoulders are uneven, my head is always trying to keep its self straight (in more ways than one!) putting strain on my neck muscles. Maybe I'm the only one who can tell, but I can see it in the photos below.
My collarbones are uneven.

If you compare my shoulders to the lines on the door behind me, you can see that one is higher than the other.

Third. The jaw joint is also very inflamed. Because of the tightness of my muscles, it puts strain on the tissue that holds the cartilage in place. The cartilage gets pushed and pulled and squished every time I move my face.
Fourth. I hold my jaw in a “protruding” position… the jaw is built for basically up-and-down motion, with some allowance for sideways and forward movement, only when necessary. Because I always have my jaw pushed forward, those little tiny muscles controlling that are very sore.
Fifth. I apparently don’t sleep as well as I think I do, and am clenching my teeth badly. He said that your teeth are only supposed to touch when chewing and swallowing… which adds up to about 15-17 minutes per day. Everything more than that (clenching, chewing gum, etc) is too much for what the jaw is built for.
I’m supposed to see a chiropractor, and possibly a massage therapist. I also have another kind of anti-inflammatory to take (something safe for people like me who have a history of ulcers), as well as some sort of sleeping pill, which will get me past REM sleep (where most clenching occurs) and into the deep sleep where muscles relax and repair. I’m supposed to do whatever it takes to ensure a good night’s sleep. I have to apply heat at least twice a day. I have to pay attention to my teeth and jaw (relax, unclench, neutral position). I have to focus on my posture and try to sit straight, without leaning (I am currently curled up like a pretzel right now, so this one needs a lot of work).
Now I am sore from all the "turn that way" "put your head at this awkward angle" and "does it hurt here". I think I'll have a warm bath tonight! I also need about a million dollars to help pay for all the appointments I'll have coming up. 

Sunday, January 19, 2014

My new best friend

Ok, for YEARS now, I've had a burning kind of ache in my upper back, between my shoulder blades. It's been going on for so long that I kind of stopped noticing it, unless it gets really bad. And when it does get bad, it's that kind of muscle pain that *demands* to be massaged, and massaged hard. Red Fox's thumbs can only take so much, so I used to lean back onto a corner or a door knob (just picture that, for a second...LOL). And then when I made my pool-noodle foam roller, it was almost perfect. But not quite.

Little Fox got a hockey ball for Christmas, and on friday night, I put it on the floor and laid on it. It was PERFECT. It was small enough that it pushed on the exact spot, and of course I could roll it around to get the other spots. Finally. Hurts so good! I probably moaned once or twice. LOL


On my last post, one of the commenters asked if I was planning on running at the Blue Nose this year. And yes, I am! I'm *planning* on running the Half. I think I'm going to take my training a little less... intense than I did last time, and focus on being able to finish. I think last time, I was too focused on finishing FAST, and maybe that's what led to the knee/hip problems.

That being said, I've been consistent in doing the hip strengthening exercises I learned at physio, and I have my training plan set up. So, yeah, a 2-hour-ish finish time would be incredible and amazing, but at this point, I'm thinking it's a long shot. So... run and finish, and then spend the rest of the summer running for fun and doing the small races close to home. Although there are a few awesome races I'd like to take part in in NS... and if timing and funds allow, I hope to do some of the fun ones and get some medals.

As for current running activity,  I didn't run this weekend. I've been feeling... pukey, for lack of a better term (no, I'm not pregnant!). I haven't actually BEEN sick, thank goodness, but still not feeling great. Mackenzie wasn't feeling well this morning either, so maybe we caught some sort of bug that's just chillin out in our systems, waiting to pounce at the most inopportune time... like when Red Fox is in NS this week. Knock on wood and cross your fingers and all that.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Feeling good

I've been feeling pretty good this past week. Which is great, cause that means I beat the odds. I read somewhere once that January 12th is the most depressing day of the year, because that's how long most people last with their well-intentioned New Year's resolutions beofre giving up. Today is the 16th. Hoping I can keep it up!

So, where were we? I ran on Saturday. After that run, I downloaded some more music for my new ipod, and realized that I threw out my ipod cable! Crap. I remember that I put it back in the little box the ipod came in, thinking "that's a great place to store this tiny 4 inch cable". Then, when doing my mad-dash clean-up before our new years even company, I picked up the box, and thought "wtf do Ineed this foor" and chucked it in the garbage bag. I ordered a new one on amazon, and I hope it will be here tomorrow so that I can listen to some new tunes during my weekend run.

I did a 3k run on Monday morning, and it was... ok. I'm slowly getting faster. I'm trying to be patient with myself. Tuesday evening I went to ballet. It was WAY more fun this time! We did some barre work, foot work and arm work. We did some jumps too, which is when I realized, yet again, that you can take the gymnast out of the gym, but you can't take the gym out of the gymnast. We were doing changements (basically, you stand with one foot in front of the other, jump, and land with your other foot in front) and I found I could only keep my balance if I stood on a line on the floor like it was a beam.

Ballet is surprisingly difficult. Every muscle is squeezed at all times. Everything MUST be perfect.  My shoulders were super tired after the arm work, and my butt muscles were killing me the next day!

Wednesday I did some strength stuff, and rested. Kind of. My work computer crashed that morning, and I spent the rest of the day cleaning the house. So, if you want to visit, now is the time. Hopefully we can keep it tidy for a while, but based on our previous house-keeping history, I wouldn't put a big bet on it!

I ran 5k this morning, and I'm glad I did it then and not later in the day like I orginally planned. Red Fox tried to get my hard drive working and couldn't so we had to take it to the computer guy, and by the time we got home, it was raining and cold (freezing rain warning... are we taking bets on school closures tomorrow?). I was planning to run 4, but when I looked at my Garmin it was already 4.1k so I just kept going.

It was SO warm today! I ran the river road, and by the time I got to the bottom of TDH, I had to take my glasses off because every exhale fogged them up, and I couldn't see. So I put them in my pocket, and then I couldn't see. LOL Can't win! By the time I got past the wharf, I had to take my jacket off. I left it on the guard rail and picked it up on my way back. Living in PEI is great for that; I know no one would steal it.

I've also kept up my planking streak. I've done it for 2 minutes twice, and my average is problably 1:45. I think I'll consistently be able to do the full 2 mins by the end of the month!

Saturday, January 11, 2014

5k and a move

I've been watching the weather all week, and thought that I should probably get my run in on Saturday morning rather than Sunday... We're supposed to get a lot of rain! Little Fox woke me up at 5:45 (little stinker) and I managed to get him to go back to bed til 7. After a small breakfast of toast with peanut butter and a coffee, I got ready to run. 

It warmed up to -3 by the time I was ready, and it was soooo nice. I only had to wear ONE pair of pants today! And my face wasn't numb when I got home! Yay for the January thaw. I ran 5k, for the first time since early December. I am SO slow now! It's a bit discouraging, but I know I'll get my speed back eventually. I did a 1:40 plank when I got home, did the hip exercises I learned at physio, and then showered.

After that, we all went out to Silver Fox's new apartment. Today was moving day. It's a nice little place, just perfect for one person. I made some curtains for him while we were there, and we got them all hung before we left. Kind of. We didn't have a proper screw driver so we couldn't hang the hardware for the bathroom one, so he has a temporary curtain held up with command hooks! LOL I also didn't have enough fabric for bedroom curtains, so we hung one from the living room in there for now. I think we're going to go back tomorrow so I'll get some made tonight or tomorrow morning. 

I am pretty sad that Silver Fox moved out. He did so much for us here, and kept me company almost every evening while I made supper. When Molly Dog realizes he isn't staying here, she's going to be devastated!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Water Bottle

Courteney, here's my water bottle. Like I said, it was a freebie from Shoppers as a promo for Shiseido. I have no idea who made the bottle, but the lid with the flip up spout and straw is what I really love about it. the ebay link at the bottom has some others with the same kind of lid.



http://www.ebay.com/itm/28-Ounce-Personal-Sports-Reusable-Beverage-Water-Bottle-with-Flip-Straw-/221350144797?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&var=&hash=item33897f2b1d

Ballet and a bat

Yesterday, I started a ballet class! Here in PEI, they have what's called "community schools" where people in the community volunteer their time to teach a class. There are classes for everything, like guitar, photography, improv, knitting, web design, public speaking, budgeting, self defense, and more. The classes are offered all over the Island.

I've been looking for an affordable adult ballet class for years. There were a few classes in Halifax, but they were expensive. This class is only 20 dollars for 10 weeks. The downside is that it's in Charlottetown. 

I really enjoyed it! There were about 15 people in the class, and most of them are about my age, so I might even make a friend. One of them had on a Boston jacket (from 2010, I think)! We had a little run chat, and then class started. We did the classic ballet positions and worked on toe point. I have a terrible turn out! New resolution for this year: pay attention to my posture... I used to have such good posture... now I'm slumpy.
After ballet last night, we settled in to watch Dr. Who. I'm a newbie to Dr. Who... I started with season 5 on the advice of a friend and LOVED it, so I went back to season 1 on Netflix. Anyway, we just got through the episode introduction when a freaking BAT flew over my head and around the sunroom. I immediately pulled the blanket over my head and yelled THAT'S A BAT! BLAINE! A BAT! He was sitting right beside me, calmly watching this thing fly around saying "that is so cool". I'm still under the blanket yelling PAUSE THE SHOW! I'M MISSING IT! BLAINE, GET IT!

I know, I'm super cool under pressure. 

The bat flew into the kitchen area, so I grabbed Molly and we went upstairs. Red Fox eventually caught the bat using Molly's blanket, and it's presently residing in one of my tupperware containers (which will of course be thrown out), awaiting a call to the "officials". Last month, the news paper ran a story saying that PEI officials want "all bats, dead or alive" (lol) because they are trying to track their wintering sites and the occurrence of this bat disease. (This bat doesn't have a white nose, so I think it's disease-free). 

As for running, I'm sorry, but it is just too damn cold out there. It's very windy today, and the wind chill is -31. I was hoping it was going to be warmer less cold, because the roads are clear for the first time in over a month. The forecast looks good, though, so I'm hoping to run tomorrow. I'm doing pretty good with planks, though! I have a seven day streak going. I know that sounds piddly, but it's my longest streak yet for planks. I'm hoping to be able to do 2 mins by the end of the month. 


Sunday, January 5, 2014

Sunday Run

It's FINALLY warmed up. On Friday, we had a blizzard. We didn't get as much snow as NS did, but we got about another 10 cms to add to our collection, and everything was blowing around like crazy. Then yesterday, we had an insane windchill again.

Yesterday, we took down and packed up all the Christmas stuff. Red Fox had a very interesting way of removing the tree. This method was awesome for 2 reasons: 1, it made it smell like christmas tree inside again, and 2, it didn't get needles all through the house.

I spent most of the day cleaning up the sun room and creating a little play area for Little Fox.

After that, my jaw was really hurting, so I took a muscle relaxer which made me fall asleep shortly after supper. I slept til 6:30 this morning!

After breakfast and coffee, I got into my running gear and hit the road. I had a very slow 4k run. The roads are literally a sheet of ice, but the spikes on my shoes are working REALLY well, and I didn't slip at all. I can tell that I'm running differently and using different muscles because I'm sore in different muscles. When I got back from my run, I did a 1:40 plank, and now it's time to hit the shower. I'm taking Little Fox skating this afternoon!




Thursday, January 2, 2014

Tie your shoes!

Red Fox and I watched this video on Netflix a few weeks ago. I just realized that it's probably something that I should start doing with my running shoes. I've read a few race recaps where the blogger had to stop to tie shoes, so maybe this will help other runners!

How To Tie Your Shoes

Regenerate

On New Years day (yesterday), I finally got out for a run. It was very cold, but sunny and fresh outside.

I can't explain how great I felt being out there running. I had my new gear with me:




I was so excited to get out there that I didn't realize I forgot my garmin until I got to the end of the driveway. *shrug* Oh well.

I had some of my favorite tunes on my ipod, and off I went. It was my first time going down the road toward the beach since we got all this snow, and I was blown away by the snowbanks.
This is the first one I thought was tall... but then I kept running and saw:



 HUGE!! I ran to the beach and back (2.5k). I forgot how much I like that my-lungs-are-burning feeling. When I got back to the driveway, one of my favorite songs came on, and I really wanted to keep running to listen to it, but it was just too cold. My toes were doing this weird hurting-but-numb thing, and my face was hurting from the cold. One I got inside and got thawed out, I did a 1-min plank and some foam rolling.

Today is the second, and we have a wind chill warning. It's -25 here today, with a wind chill of -36. I did a 1:30 plank, and will do some stretching later. 

On Tuesday, I'm going to start taking a class at the community school in Charlottetown. I know it sounds crazy, but for some reason, for years now I've been looking for an adult ballet class. I finally found one. it sucks that it's in Charlottetown, but it's only 20 dollars for 10 weeks. I'm pretty excited. LOL



Wednesday, January 1, 2014

2013 reflections

January:
Good: Moved to PEI for good.
Not so good: Running out of oil, both here and in the old NS house. Here, we were cold. In NS, pipes broke and we had to do some minor renos.

February: 
Good: R&B's baby Piper arrived!
Not so good: Spending so much time, money and stress on the NS house.

March:
Good:  NS house SOLD.
Not so good: Actually leaving the NS house. It was pretty emotional.

April: 
Good: Watching the Bluenose launch with my mom.
Awesome: My first 10k race! Run Without Borders.
Not so good: Boston marathon bombing. 'Nuff said.

May:
Good: Little Fox's 5th birthday party.
Good: Blue Nose 10k. Good race, good visit with Dennis, too.
Good: Little Fox's kindergarten intro.
Good: 3k race with my niece.
Not so good: Can't remember anything too bad...

June:
Good: Started half marathon training.
Good: my birthday: got a Garmin!
Good: Little Fox's bike rodeo, soccer, haunted mansion,etc
Good: visit from Dennis!
Not so good: Can't remember anything too bad...

July:
Good: Canada day: a 5k, and then a family day
Awesome: Visit from Robyn and Andrew! Highlight for me was the bungee bounce thing!
Not so good: this is when my knee started bothering me, and eventually let me me doing the 10k instead of the half at PEI.

August:
Good: the quality time i had with Little Fox while Red Fox was offshore. The best was going to the "cargoats" aka go carts.
Bad: the stress i was under when Red Fox was offshore. LOL
Bad: missing Red Fox's birthday because he was offshore.
Good: 8k race, with some cottage guests who were also runners. They were awesome people!
Awesome: Little Fox got to be in the Kensington parade, riding in the first truck.

September:
Awesome: Little Fox's first day of school
Not so good: "downgraded" from half to 10k at the PEI marathon

October:
Good: Thanksgiving: family, potato picking, good food.
Awesome: The 10k at the PEI marathon. I am so proud of my 55:37 time. Little Fox ran the Spud Run. And I finally met Heather in person!
Good: Ran 100 km in October
Bad: Ran 100 km in October... i got really burnt out.
Good: Halloween: the Halloween hustle Little Fox and I ran, and all the other typical Halloween stuff.
Good: Visit from Pat!

November:
Bad: lost all motivation to run.
Awesome: Parent teacher interview.
Awesome: Lucky 7 relay with Courteney and Heather!

December:
Not so good: still lacked running motivation.
Not so good: Santa Shuffle. LOL ok. It wasn't BAD. But I struggled with this race, obviously.
Good: Little Fox's letter to Santa
Awesome: having Little Fox volunteer with me at the Salvation Army Christmas Kettles. He was awesome at it!
Awesome: Christmas, of course!